A huge grind: Almost none of it will be rewarding.
When it comes to music, my progress has become correlated with how many resources I have. So while I have room for improvement in my music’s quality, all that matters is that I make more money.
There are a few options that I’ve yet to execute: After that, skilling is the only solution.
When it comes to writing, I used it to find reality. However, finding reality doesn’t mean I’m immune to avoiding it. So while failure no longer phases me, a mental barrier still exists that prevents me from addressing reality in its entirety.
I am not living in a fantasy, but somehow still avoiding reality.
Where did I go wrong? I do not fear what others think of me. However, I also do not wish to be a negative person. In holding this wish, I failed to address many negative events in my life.
Compared to others, I understand that life isn’t fair, and my position is not the worst. So I held a bias — the mental barrier — that prevented me from addressing everything that irks me.
I am not a victim, but the truth is the truth.
From a young age, I had it beaten into me to “be the bigger man”, but perhaps I’m better off being more “emotional”. The people who continue to take from me say that I have not struggled enough. The others? I may have been prevented from their influence.
So now I search for them.
The main issue I face right now is uncertainty. I’m unsure whether addressing what irks me will prevent access to those that may positively influence me. The observations I have yet to publish are not intuitive to those within the system: This is problematic since I have always been an outlier.
I always expect some form of backlash from those who have not experienced what I have. Yet the backlash I’m about to face will not come from the inexperienced; but from people whose lives differ from mine.
If you worked within the system your entire life, someone who speaks of it in an alternate manner might make you uncomfortable. Some people handle this by becoming angry: While I don’t acquire rewards in dealing with the aftermath of that emotion, I DO gain an understanding of the people who hold it.
